Good Communication leads to Better Understanding
Throughout the book of Bereshit, the story of our patriarchs is developed, beginning with Abraham, Isaac, and now Jacob along with his twelve sons. Abraham, without knowing where he was going, followed the directions of the Creator toward the land of Canaan. Risking everything, he put his faith (emunah) into action and developed trust (bitachon). The Creator made several covenants with Abraham, one being the covenant of the parts, Brit Habetarim, during which he received the prophecy that his “descendants would be oppressed and slaves in a foreign land for 400 years.” Gen.15:13. Our sages help us to understand that this prophecy began with the birth of Isaac by calculating that the Israelites lived in Egypt for around 200 years. At that time, Egypt held dominion over this entire area and our patriarchs had not yet settled in the land.
The title of the parashah, Vayeshev means “And Jacob settled”, but in reality, he travelled all his life from place to place, never really settling anywhere. Now he would be able to rest, which is when we turn to Joseph’s story and Judah’s parallel story. The concept of the mashiach is not in the Torah but emerged much later and it is from this narrative our sages developed the idea of the two types of mashiachs (messiahs). The Creator wrote this script; it doesn’t mean He didn’t give us free will, but that only He knows what happens from the beginning to the end.
GOD is letting us know that He will always cover and protect His people Israel, no matter what and that it doesn’t necessarily mean that Israel has to behave well for the Creator to intervene. Over time, our sages have developed the idea that supposedly everything depends upon Israel; for example, if we all observe one Shabbat or Israel behaves well, everything would go well for us. The Torah and our prophets warn us that things will go from bad to worse instead of getting better. We are seeing this right now. I don’t want to be pessimistic like those who tell us that everything will be destroyed but to give us the clear message…we are all, every one of us responsible for what is happening in this world. Many of us wash our hands and say it is not my problem. As long as we have a voice, we must stand up and speak out for what is right but Mishlei (Proverbs) 31:8-9 tells us that we need to speak out for those who cannot speak for themselves. “Open your mouth for those who cannot speak, for the cause of all who are appointed to destruction. Open your mouth, judge righteously and please the cause of the poor and needy.”
In Vayeshev, the Creator shows us how we became slaves in Egypt. The tragic narrative begins with Joseph, Jacob’s eleventh son from his favorite wife, Rachel. Here, we learn that Jacob made it obvious that he loved Joseph more than any other of his other children because he was the son of his beloved Rachel. We might wonder how a father could openly show such favoritism. The oldest son or the one who previously felt important, would naturally have been jealous and even develop hatred for the favored child.
To make matters worse, Jacob had a beautiful coat made for Joseph, indicating to all his children that he chose Joseph to be his successor. This goes contrary to the teachings of the Torah which states that the first son of the number one wife, even if she is hated, must receive the rights of the bechor, the inheritance of the firstborn. Our sages teach us that visibly preferring one child over another is a recipe for disaster. How could Jacob have been so blind? People may say that Joseph was a brat, and stuck up, but let’s focus on what we can learn from this story to help us apply these teachings to our lives today.
What differentiates humans from any other of God’s creation? We have the capability of communicating, talking to one another. I have been a counsellor for over 40 years; counseling families, children, couples, and even inmates. I have seen the problems that arise due to the lack of communication. For example, when two people have a dispute, causing one to hold something against the other who stays quiet instead of dealing with the issue, what happens? The hurt doesn’t dissipate, rather it increases over time. I have had the experience that someone in this community was very upset about something I did but was completely unaware of. Instead of telling me and letting me know how he felt, he kept it in his heart for a long time until one day, he and his wife left and talked behind my back. If he had approached me and allowed me to explain and apologize, the drama would have been diffused.
Why didn’t the other brothers go to their father Jacob to express their anger and sentiments? Perhaps because of their great respect for him. Or they might have spoken to Joseph and tried to get him to change his attitude and behaviour. That might have helped Joseph change. There is great power in good communication. It can eliminate many conjectures that we build against another person. How many of us presume to know the intentions of another even if they are not true? It’s all in the mind and that bitter root poisons our soul.
That is what happened to Joseph’s brothers, to the point that they were ready to kill him but instead, they sold him and lied to Jacob saying that Joseph had been killed by an animal. Here we see the principle of “midah keneged midah – measure for measure”. Jacob had deceived his father by putting on the skin of a lamb to disguise himself as Esau and now his brothers killed a lamb, put its blood on Joseph’s coat, and lied to Jacob about Joseph’s death. Jacob would repeatedly suffer from this principle.
Next, the story of Judah will be developed. Why here? Who should have been next in line to be the bechor and receive the rights of the first-born inheritance? It was Judah. Reuben, the first-born of Leah lost it because of his affair with Bilhah. Second in line would have been Shimon followed by Levi, but we know that they lost it because of what they did to the people of Shechem. The right should then have fallen to Judah, the fourth son of Leah – the Torah teaches us that there is an order. Although Jacob chose Joseph, the correct bechor would have been Judah. This created two bechorot, Judah and Joseph giving birth to the idea of the two redeemers or mashiach’s (messiah), Joseph, the suffering mashiach and Judah, through King David, the conquering mashiach.
What is the bottom line? First, it shows us that we need to learn from the mistakes of our fathers, our elders, so that we don’t repeat them. Second, there is a reason that these things happen. When we do not do things in the right way, we create a crisis for which there are consequences. Third, The Creator promised us that He would never abandon us, whether or not we have faith, whether we are good or bad, or whether or not we follow the Ten Commandments. He gave us His word that He would never abandon Israel, but He didn’t say that Israel would not suffer the consequences of their behavior.
We learn that Israel would fall captive to the Egyptians for many years and when they finally leave, they would be free. Every Shabbat, we read the Ten Commandments, the first being, “I am the Adonai, your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of slavery.” What does it mean to be free of slavery? It means that we have the capability to be ourselves. When we were slaves, we were fully dependent upon others but now we would be free to make our own choices. God does not even want us to be dependent upon Him as many religions teach us. He wants us to depend upon ourselves and gives us the freedom to do so and to acknowledge who He is and that He gave us this right. Here is the greatest promise of the Creator. We are the only ones who are responsible for what happens to us. Even though Joseph was able to redeem Israel for a while, they ultimately became slaves and would need to be freed from that slavery.
We are all in that process. We know that there are areas in our lives that enslave us. We are our own worst enemies. Some of us have the attitude that “I am the way that I am, and no one is going to change me”. “I do not want to improve”, not because it’s not good for us but because of our pride. Joseph descended to the lowest depths in prison but when he came out, he was immediately elevated. Why? He finally acknowledged and accepted who he was.
This week, we will celebrate Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights, a Feast of Dedication. We are saying, “no to assimilation. We in this community come from many backgrounds. To what are we assimilating? … to the values of this world. They are destructive. We need to hold fast to the values of the Torah. Joseph did that even though he was tempted and put into prison; no matter what circumstances he went through, he never went to the other side but held onto the principles and values of his fathers.
Shabbat Shalom and Hanukkah Sameach!
Rabbi Netanel ben Yochanan (Ranebi)